I'm starting to blog again. Not that I have anything to say, but if I don't write and speak enough I'm afraid I'll turn into a vegetable too soon. My grandma actually did that. Turned into some babylike person without brains nor memory. My grand-dad visited her very often for years and fed her with fruit, a very sad story isn't it?
I rather try to keep my brain working or practicing as long as I can. I guess sitting alone without a job is not the right receipt, but now I've got a job and I'm very happy for that. Physical training is also beneficial they say, hopefully walking will do the trick, because that's what I do.
Well, I guess there are other things to think about then getting older and senile.
måndag 25 juli 2011
lördag 23 juli 2011
Todays reflection on war games
Terrible fearful things can happen in a peaceful part of the world.
My first though when I heard about the killing yesterday was "computer games". Later when I read about it I realized it was not the case, but the killer had had normal training and has been practicing shooting in a shooting club. The problem was his extreme opinions and hatred.
I won't write about the disgusting event as such. There are no words for it.
But in the back of my head I still wonder, what will the effect be on all these millions of young people who get trained to kill using computer games and who get rid of their normal feelings of empathy for the figures who get shot? If millions of them can handle it all right but a few can't tell reality from a game, then we can expect troubles, can't we?
If I compare it with when I was a kid, my mum didn't want my brother to have little plastic pistol. When he finally got one, he was told not to point it at any living person. You shouldn't pretend that you wish to kill people, was the message. Times have changed.
Isn't it time for a movement against violence, even against killing on the screen?
My first though when I heard about the killing yesterday was "computer games". Later when I read about it I realized it was not the case, but the killer had had normal training and has been practicing shooting in a shooting club. The problem was his extreme opinions and hatred.
I won't write about the disgusting event as such. There are no words for it.
But in the back of my head I still wonder, what will the effect be on all these millions of young people who get trained to kill using computer games and who get rid of their normal feelings of empathy for the figures who get shot? If millions of them can handle it all right but a few can't tell reality from a game, then we can expect troubles, can't we?
If I compare it with when I was a kid, my mum didn't want my brother to have little plastic pistol. When he finally got one, he was told not to point it at any living person. You shouldn't pretend that you wish to kill people, was the message. Times have changed.
Isn't it time for a movement against violence, even against killing on the screen?
tisdag 12 april 2011
Black kitchen?
It seems everybody is renovating their kitchen these days. Must be good times for the "kitchen industry". And the good times will remain. Because lot of people are making their kitchen black. I'm sure it feels cool when it's new, but who wants to live with a black interior for a long time? Who wants to move into a dark place?
My guess is that people will keep redoing their kitchens. Over and over again.
My guess is that people will keep redoing their kitchens. Over and over again.
Funeral?
I've got this stupid question for years: Who will come to my funeral?
It's not interesting, is it? Not constructive. Not positive. Not meaningful.
I think I know where I got if from. When I was young one of my class mates died after some time of sickness. This young boy lived pretty close to me, and we had been attending the same classes since we were small kids. I think it was only he, me and another boy who had been in the same class from start until he died. There were lots of young people at his funeral. I knew all of this people and how little they knew this boy. People who hardly knew him cried a lot at his funeral. Since then my question has been "who will turn up at my funeral and pretend to be sorry".
Some time ago a colleague of mine died. I think he would have wanted me to join the funeral, in order to have a little group of people there who knew both him and his son, just to show his son that his dad had some friends. But I was told that the company was going to be represented by two managers, and I didn't manage to get in contact with his family to find out where it was, so I didn't attend. I think I should have.
I was attending an old mans funeral years ago, where the priest talked about him, using only the information he had got from his last "girl-friend" who had known him for the last 15 years or so. It felt terrible to see his closest relatives listen to a description of his good origin, his belongings and nothing at all about his interests in life. Don't think he would have cared, why do I?
Now I know. It will only be a few family members on mine. We are not much for parties in my family.
By the way, I'm not dying, as far as I know. Why think about funerals? Hope we don't have to think about funerals!
Live, live, live....
It's not interesting, is it? Not constructive. Not positive. Not meaningful.
I think I know where I got if from. When I was young one of my class mates died after some time of sickness. This young boy lived pretty close to me, and we had been attending the same classes since we were small kids. I think it was only he, me and another boy who had been in the same class from start until he died. There were lots of young people at his funeral. I knew all of this people and how little they knew this boy. People who hardly knew him cried a lot at his funeral. Since then my question has been "who will turn up at my funeral and pretend to be sorry".
Some time ago a colleague of mine died. I think he would have wanted me to join the funeral, in order to have a little group of people there who knew both him and his son, just to show his son that his dad had some friends. But I was told that the company was going to be represented by two managers, and I didn't manage to get in contact with his family to find out where it was, so I didn't attend. I think I should have.
I was attending an old mans funeral years ago, where the priest talked about him, using only the information he had got from his last "girl-friend" who had known him for the last 15 years or so. It felt terrible to see his closest relatives listen to a description of his good origin, his belongings and nothing at all about his interests in life. Don't think he would have cared, why do I?
Now I know. It will only be a few family members on mine. We are not much for parties in my family.
By the way, I'm not dying, as far as I know. Why think about funerals? Hope we don't have to think about funerals!
Live, live, live....
måndag 11 april 2011
On date; Swedish men are equal
In Sweden we are very equal. Both parents take care of the kids, both women and men do cook and we are of course fighting to get the some salary level as men. But it has some implications to the social life of men and women.
If you see a man standing with a door open in order to be polite, he isn't Swedish. Men do not hold up doors for women. There is a big difference when being abroad.
A smart advice: if you're heading for the movies, you can call up your date and ask her to book the tickets and pay for them online. You can always claim you have some problems with your broadband. That way you don't risk having to pay for her ticket.
If a Swedish man asks you out for date, don't expect him to pay. Even if he asks you out for a plain cup of coffee, you will have to pay for yourself. It's not about the money. A cup of coffee isn't expensive.
I tried to tell a man that he by not buying his date a cup of coffee he was clearly demonstrating that he wasn't generous. Not just when it comes to money.... I was trying to give him an advice for his future dating.
The answer was: I'm tired of paying for women. We are equal in this country and I'm very equal. How would I know if the woman only is interested in getting some free coffee?
I had no answer to that. I was glad I didn't spend more time or money on dating that guy. I could just imagine "it's your turn to turn off the lights","it's you turn to wash the car","it's your turn to send an SMS....
I've always made sure I pay for myself. It's just lately when I've been unemployed, it has occurred to me that Swedish men do not have any manners.
Or is it just because I've become middle aged? Shit, that's why....
By writing about things like this on my blog, nobody will dare to ask me out!
If you see a man standing with a door open in order to be polite, he isn't Swedish. Men do not hold up doors for women. There is a big difference when being abroad.
A smart advice: if you're heading for the movies, you can call up your date and ask her to book the tickets and pay for them online. You can always claim you have some problems with your broadband. That way you don't risk having to pay for her ticket.
If a Swedish man asks you out for date, don't expect him to pay. Even if he asks you out for a plain cup of coffee, you will have to pay for yourself. It's not about the money. A cup of coffee isn't expensive.
I tried to tell a man that he by not buying his date a cup of coffee he was clearly demonstrating that he wasn't generous. Not just when it comes to money.... I was trying to give him an advice for his future dating.
The answer was: I'm tired of paying for women. We are equal in this country and I'm very equal. How would I know if the woman only is interested in getting some free coffee?
I had no answer to that. I was glad I didn't spend more time or money on dating that guy. I could just imagine "it's your turn to turn off the lights","it's you turn to wash the car","it's your turn to send an SMS....
I've always made sure I pay for myself. It's just lately when I've been unemployed, it has occurred to me that Swedish men do not have any manners.
Or is it just because I've become middle aged? Shit, that's why....
By writing about things like this on my blog, nobody will dare to ask me out!
Too much
I write too much. I definitely think too much. I want too much.
How I know? I see it very clearly when others do the same thing.
"Speech is silver, silence is golden." That's easy to say!
How I know? I see it very clearly when others do the same thing.
"Speech is silver, silence is golden." That's easy to say!
About dating
First let's define the word. I define dating as getting to know individuals with the purpose of finding if you fall in love and possibly would become a happy couple. In my case it's all about sending a few mails, go out, having coffee together and chat on the phone. I know others who include having sex, but I define that as having an affair or having a relation, not dating!
Let's generalize. Singles aren't happy people who are enjoying life as you may think, I believe they are more like ghosts who can't get rest. Why they can't get rest and get settled? It varies. Sometimes, they got some heavy stuff in their baggage. Either their mum or dad have treated them badly, or other people were mean when they grew up. They claim "I can't find the right person", but in many cases it's more about finding themselves.
Well, of course it's also about matching. Most of the time, people have very high requirements. Online dating doesn't make it easier. They see beautiful pictures of all the "available" people. They believe the pictures show the truth and don't realize that it is like looking at ads for a house; the pictures might be taken from the best angle and the text might be wishful thinking, dreams or plain marketing. What they don't realize is that all these people are not for them. Everybody has to find someone who matches him. Everybody has to find someone who matches both when comes to brains and what the brain is filled of!
Men are very focused on bodies, mostly on women's bodies but sometimes also their own. The question is why. Didn't they find their last woman attractive, was that the issue? Or didn't the women they had like their bodies? If that's true, then everybody just have to become more focused on their looks! Sorry, but I don't believe that is the problem. It never was. But most people who wants to buy a new car, don't look for an ugly one. Wether it is because it makes them happy to have a nice car in the garage, to drive a nice car or if it just make themselves feel much better when people compliment them for their nice looking car, I don't know. A lot of nice looking cars are equipped with a powerful engine. However, it's not as simple when it comes to human beings, even if we tend to think in those terms. It's called the "halo effect", that we tend to believe that a person who has one skill also have another skill. For example we expect a nice looking person to be nicer than an ugly one. We expect a person who can express himself in writing also to be a person who is nice to talk to. We expect a person with nice manners also to have some intellect. We expect a person who is smart also to have some imagination. Just as examples. We fool ourselves!
I believe the problem is that we don't spend enough time together and that we don't care enough about each other. We get problems when we care more about our own needs than the needs of our mate, don't we? Rather focus on both needs...
We also want our lives to be perfect. Why not get a perfect woman to match your perfect home and your perfect car? Maybe because you aren't perfect yourself!
Let's just face it, nobody is perfect.
Let's generalize. Singles aren't happy people who are enjoying life as you may think, I believe they are more like ghosts who can't get rest. Why they can't get rest and get settled? It varies. Sometimes, they got some heavy stuff in their baggage. Either their mum or dad have treated them badly, or other people were mean when they grew up. They claim "I can't find the right person", but in many cases it's more about finding themselves.
Well, of course it's also about matching. Most of the time, people have very high requirements. Online dating doesn't make it easier. They see beautiful pictures of all the "available" people. They believe the pictures show the truth and don't realize that it is like looking at ads for a house; the pictures might be taken from the best angle and the text might be wishful thinking, dreams or plain marketing. What they don't realize is that all these people are not for them. Everybody has to find someone who matches him. Everybody has to find someone who matches both when comes to brains and what the brain is filled of!
Men are very focused on bodies, mostly on women's bodies but sometimes also their own. The question is why. Didn't they find their last woman attractive, was that the issue? Or didn't the women they had like their bodies? If that's true, then everybody just have to become more focused on their looks! Sorry, but I don't believe that is the problem. It never was. But most people who wants to buy a new car, don't look for an ugly one. Wether it is because it makes them happy to have a nice car in the garage, to drive a nice car or if it just make themselves feel much better when people compliment them for their nice looking car, I don't know. A lot of nice looking cars are equipped with a powerful engine. However, it's not as simple when it comes to human beings, even if we tend to think in those terms. It's called the "halo effect", that we tend to believe that a person who has one skill also have another skill. For example we expect a nice looking person to be nicer than an ugly one. We expect a person who can express himself in writing also to be a person who is nice to talk to. We expect a person with nice manners also to have some intellect. We expect a person who is smart also to have some imagination. Just as examples. We fool ourselves!
I believe the problem is that we don't spend enough time together and that we don't care enough about each other. We get problems when we care more about our own needs than the needs of our mate, don't we? Rather focus on both needs...
We also want our lives to be perfect. Why not get a perfect woman to match your perfect home and your perfect car? Maybe because you aren't perfect yourself!
Let's just face it, nobody is perfect.
fredag 8 april 2011
onsdag 30 mars 2011
My little fellow
He came to earth because I wished so
I gave birth to this little fellow
He put his little arm around my neck
I love this little fellow
He grew up
I fed this little fellow
He's got his own opinion
I argue with this fellow
He wants to take risks
I don't want to loose this fellow
He won't give in
Neither do I
I gave birth to this little fellow
He put his little arm around my neck
I love this little fellow
He grew up
I fed this little fellow
He's got his own opinion
I argue with this fellow
He wants to take risks
I don't want to loose this fellow
He won't give in
Neither do I
tisdag 8 mars 2011
Helpful horoscope?
My horoscope said if I should be really helpful today it would be very good indeed and pay off immediately.
I was very helpful, amazingly helpful. I wouldn't mind receiving similar help.
Guess if it was a success.
It wasn't. At least not immediately.
I was very helpful, amazingly helpful. I wouldn't mind receiving similar help.
Guess if it was a success.
It wasn't. At least not immediately.
torsdag 10 februari 2011
Crazy self love trend
What will people (maybe we) say in 15 or 20 years about the trends today?
I believe they will laugh. Laugh at all this "love yourself" and "appreciate yourself" stuff.
Someone told me I'm supposed to tell the mirror every morning that I look damn good. I said I prefer to hear it from someone else.
You must be joking, was the answer. No, I wasn't. I prefer to see some appreciation in other people's eyes, than to tell lies to my mirror.
What would you think if you were together with someone who was telling himself or herself laud how beautiful he or she was every morning? I think it's weird. I would not like it.
We all want to be appreciated by someone else, don't we? Is that some sort of problem? I think it's natural.
We are supposed to be together with other people. We are supposed to give each other love and appreciation, and it's supposed to work both ways. That's the idea.
This trend has gone too far. Now this is starting to become ridiculous.
I believe they will laugh. Laugh at all this "love yourself" and "appreciate yourself" stuff.
Someone told me I'm supposed to tell the mirror every morning that I look damn good. I said I prefer to hear it from someone else.
You must be joking, was the answer. No, I wasn't. I prefer to see some appreciation in other people's eyes, than to tell lies to my mirror.
What would you think if you were together with someone who was telling himself or herself laud how beautiful he or she was every morning? I think it's weird. I would not like it.
We all want to be appreciated by someone else, don't we? Is that some sort of problem? I think it's natural.
We are supposed to be together with other people. We are supposed to give each other love and appreciation, and it's supposed to work both ways. That's the idea.
This trend has gone too far. Now this is starting to become ridiculous.
lördag 29 januari 2011
Looking at ads and dreaming a bit
Looking at the ads for luxury homes they deliver for free on Saturdays. What would it feel like to have the possibility to buy one of those estates or fancy apartments? Rather an apartment with a good location compared to a large estate in the countryside.
I've never lived central in the city. It would be nice. Must do that sometime, while I still enjoy to eat at a restaurant or go shopping. Before I become a crippled old lady with a stick who keeps my handbag in a firm grip because I'm afraid of being robbed.
I get cheered up when I go to the city, just by all the people. Hopefully I get used to the noise, and all the cars, where I live today it's very quiet.
Anyway, I don't have the possibility to move for the moment.
I remember a guy I was talking to some months ago. He liked the fact that I said I wasn't interested to know how wealthy people are when I get to know them. Maybe I should have told him that I do care about how generous people are. What's the benefit of being together with someone who is rich but cheap? I do remember he didn't even buy me a glass of water when we met.
The best thing is to own things oneself.
I used to have a large house and access to a great summer place. What was great with the summer place wasn't just the location and the look. You could feel the history, and earlier generations in the walls and in the garden. I also liked the lack of expectations, nobody told me what to do so I could run my own projects. I remember things like making a sandbox for the kids, planting roses, picking apples, cutting bushes, making new curtains and I had some hopeless project to make a sand beach for the kids.
I should have bought my own little place when I had the chance once, then I would still have somewhere to go in the summer.
Never mind, the everyday living is more important. Maybe I should start by fixing some things in this apartment? Or maybe it's better I make sure I get an income.
I've never lived central in the city. It would be nice. Must do that sometime, while I still enjoy to eat at a restaurant or go shopping. Before I become a crippled old lady with a stick who keeps my handbag in a firm grip because I'm afraid of being robbed.
I get cheered up when I go to the city, just by all the people. Hopefully I get used to the noise, and all the cars, where I live today it's very quiet.
Anyway, I don't have the possibility to move for the moment.
I remember a guy I was talking to some months ago. He liked the fact that I said I wasn't interested to know how wealthy people are when I get to know them. Maybe I should have told him that I do care about how generous people are. What's the benefit of being together with someone who is rich but cheap? I do remember he didn't even buy me a glass of water when we met.
The best thing is to own things oneself.
I used to have a large house and access to a great summer place. What was great with the summer place wasn't just the location and the look. You could feel the history, and earlier generations in the walls and in the garden. I also liked the lack of expectations, nobody told me what to do so I could run my own projects. I remember things like making a sandbox for the kids, planting roses, picking apples, cutting bushes, making new curtains and I had some hopeless project to make a sand beach for the kids.
I should have bought my own little place when I had the chance once, then I would still have somewhere to go in the summer.
Never mind, the everyday living is more important. Maybe I should start by fixing some things in this apartment? Or maybe it's better I make sure I get an income.
fredag 28 januari 2011
Worry
I'm worried and get nothing done. Nothing apart from things I'd written down on a list. Maybe you know the feeling?
I tried to analyze what was wrong and come up with a couple of things. I even went for a walk in the sun. It didn't help.
Now I know what's wrong. I'm waiting for someone to find out that I'm not good enough. I'm not the right person for a job. Again. When will I be....?
I tried to analyze what was wrong and come up with a couple of things. I even went for a walk in the sun. It didn't help.
Now I know what's wrong. I'm waiting for someone to find out that I'm not good enough. I'm not the right person for a job. Again. When will I be....?
onsdag 26 januari 2011
onsdag 19 januari 2011
Any cloud?
Everytime I think I'll get a job soon I get happy. (My family knows what happens every time I don't get one I expect to get.)
When I had a job I wasn't very happy... well, not that happy.
Having a coffe in the sunshine makes me happy. Or drive the car listening to music, or do my favourite sport.
The only cloud I see for the moment is my jobblessness. Otherwise the sky would be all blue!
Let's pretend...
When I had a job I wasn't very happy... well, not that happy.
Having a coffe in the sunshine makes me happy. Or drive the car listening to music, or do my favourite sport.
The only cloud I see for the moment is my jobblessness. Otherwise the sky would be all blue!
Let's pretend...
lördag 15 januari 2011
Divorce if you will be happy alone!
A woman told me in confidence that she was planning to divorce her husband.
"If your husband isn't appreciating you, I fully understand your plans" I told her, but I also made her aware of the situation in this town. There are lots and lots of single women who don't find any new love, or at least not a love that lasts. "Don't expect to live in a relation, you might very well be alone for the rest of your life".
"If you're husband is mean to you I definitely think you should divorce him" I said, but you should also remember that your small children will be sad for years. Your divorce will remove the happiness from their lives, unless you and your husband both get much more happy than you are today.
"Hope you're not divorcing because you think you will get a more social life" I warned her, unless you know a lot of single women. The Swedish married woman isn't born who invites another single woman in her family and at her parties, especially not if there is a risk that a man might find the single woman attractive. And you can't have male friends as a single woman, forget it, even if you are old friends. If the man is married his wife will hate you. You can only socialize with other women, like having coffee together in the afternoon, unless you know other single women of course.
I told her to go ahead with her divorce, but she had to be aware of the risk of becoming completely alone. Next time I met her, she had given her husband a new chance.
"If your husband isn't appreciating you, I fully understand your plans" I told her, but I also made her aware of the situation in this town. There are lots and lots of single women who don't find any new love, or at least not a love that lasts. "Don't expect to live in a relation, you might very well be alone for the rest of your life".
"If you're husband is mean to you I definitely think you should divorce him" I said, but you should also remember that your small children will be sad for years. Your divorce will remove the happiness from their lives, unless you and your husband both get much more happy than you are today.
"Hope you're not divorcing because you think you will get a more social life" I warned her, unless you know a lot of single women. The Swedish married woman isn't born who invites another single woman in her family and at her parties, especially not if there is a risk that a man might find the single woman attractive. And you can't have male friends as a single woman, forget it, even if you are old friends. If the man is married his wife will hate you. You can only socialize with other women, like having coffee together in the afternoon, unless you know other single women of course.
I told her to go ahead with her divorce, but she had to be aware of the risk of becoming completely alone. Next time I met her, she had given her husband a new chance.
onsdag 12 januari 2011
Socializing on the phone?
Someone is calling me up. That's welcome. Well, most of the time it is. I know I shouldn't complain, but why does it sometime make me feel disappointed?
If the person calling is a person I haven't spoken to for months, but still he doesn't ask how I'm doing, how the kids are doing, how is the progress of ... whatever activity I'm involved in. He just asks a specific question, talks about it and then hangs up, with some excuse like "I need to hang up because just arrived to....". I find that annoying especially if there are a lot of things I would like to talk to this person about. Maybe it's a male way of using the phone, I don't know.
If the same things happen with a person I've not seen for ages and the person first spends a fairly long time talking about common things and then clears the throat and explains the reason for calling, I feel stupid. Especially if I believe I won't hear from the person until the next time there is a question I might be able to answer. Could that be women's way of calling?
I prefer that people tell me the reason why they called me as soon as possible, so I know what's up, but then it's fun if they have some time to be social too. Otherwise, maybe they didn't pick the right time to call, if they have a good excuse after two minutes. Socializing shouldn't be an inconvenient necessity, but because the person wants to!
If the person calling is a person I haven't spoken to for months, but still he doesn't ask how I'm doing, how the kids are doing, how is the progress of ... whatever activity I'm involved in. He just asks a specific question, talks about it and then hangs up, with some excuse like "I need to hang up because just arrived to....". I find that annoying especially if there are a lot of things I would like to talk to this person about. Maybe it's a male way of using the phone, I don't know.
If the same things happen with a person I've not seen for ages and the person first spends a fairly long time talking about common things and then clears the throat and explains the reason for calling, I feel stupid. Especially if I believe I won't hear from the person until the next time there is a question I might be able to answer. Could that be women's way of calling?
I prefer that people tell me the reason why they called me as soon as possible, so I know what's up, but then it's fun if they have some time to be social too. Otherwise, maybe they didn't pick the right time to call, if they have a good excuse after two minutes. Socializing shouldn't be an inconvenient necessity, but because the person wants to!
No perfectionism...
I'm so tired of perfectionism. Why is perfectionism expected when there are no perfect human beings?
I'm not at all perfect. Sometimes I miss a letter or a digit or a point when I write. You are aware of that if you read this blog. I often make small mistakes, but I try to correct them as soon as I see them. Unfortunately it also happens in my CV. That's so unnecessary. Why am I so careless? I take a stupid risk, by not reading things three times before I send it off. But I have never had any plans to start a career in surgery where I could risk people's lives.
They say they want creative people who are risktakers. But everyone should of course also be perfect and always systematic, planned and with 100% control of all details.
People say if you forget to turn off your mobile phone when you are in an interview and you get a call, you don't get the job. It happened to me. Twice. Don't know if that was the reason I didn't get the job. If that was the case, it must have been because I probably looked like I was going to kill the person who called. Twice.
I'm not at all perfect. Sometimes I miss a letter or a digit or a point when I write. You are aware of that if you read this blog. I often make small mistakes, but I try to correct them as soon as I see them. Unfortunately it also happens in my CV. That's so unnecessary. Why am I so careless? I take a stupid risk, by not reading things three times before I send it off. But I have never had any plans to start a career in surgery where I could risk people's lives.
They say they want creative people who are risktakers. But everyone should of course also be perfect and always systematic, planned and with 100% control of all details.
People say if you forget to turn off your mobile phone when you are in an interview and you get a call, you don't get the job. It happened to me. Twice. Don't know if that was the reason I didn't get the job. If that was the case, it must have been because I probably looked like I was going to kill the person who called. Twice.
tisdag 11 januari 2011
To pastime or to experience...
I watched "Sense and sensibility" once more. Isn't it fascinating that I spent my youth reading romantic novels about impossible love, good and evil, richness and poverty in all kinds of historical English environments? I think it is.
I remember reading lot's of criminal novels too. Therefor I don't understand people who still read such things. To watch them of TV is OK, but to spend time reading them?
I remember when I started to read classical novels written by world famous writers. Someone made me look stupid. I realized I wasn't "educated" enough, so I spent years reading old stuff.
Since I did spend my youth reading, I'm a bit skeptical about spending too much reading. Maybe it depends on the options.
Some people assume I spend to much time watching TV when being unemployed. How funny. As a matter of fact I've been spending less time watching TV, because I've not been tired after work. Now I watch because I'm bored. Like the rest of the world, I assume.
I remember reading lot's of criminal novels too. Therefor I don't understand people who still read such things. To watch them of TV is OK, but to spend time reading them?
I remember when I started to read classical novels written by world famous writers. Someone made me look stupid. I realized I wasn't "educated" enough, so I spent years reading old stuff.
Since I did spend my youth reading, I'm a bit skeptical about spending too much reading. Maybe it depends on the options.
Some people assume I spend to much time watching TV when being unemployed. How funny. As a matter of fact I've been spending less time watching TV, because I've not been tired after work. Now I watch because I'm bored. Like the rest of the world, I assume.
lördag 8 januari 2011
Not yet on the floor
It seems everybody has given up on me. First of all they don't think I'll get a job. Apparently a bunch of people also don't think I will be successful once I get one.
I am not used to ask people for help. I hate it. You would be surprised if you knew what I have managed on my own during the years.
I will get a job too. Maybe with the help of complete strangers, some luck and hard work. I have obviously not been trying hard enough. Can't blame anyone else, can I?
Just watch me. I'll succeed.
I am not used to ask people for help. I hate it. You would be surprised if you knew what I have managed on my own during the years.
I will get a job too. Maybe with the help of complete strangers, some luck and hard work. I have obviously not been trying hard enough. Can't blame anyone else, can I?
Just watch me. I'll succeed.
torsdag 6 januari 2011
Me - a basket player?
At school I had a teacher who loved basketball. She taught us how to play, and we practiced quite a lot. My dad who is a tall man also used to play basket. He had made a basket in a tree where I used to practice in the summer. At school I was the one who made the goals, despite my small size. I was actually the shortest and tiniest in my class. One of my friends who was much bigger used to dribble across the ground and then pass me so I could make the goal.
Since I made the goals, I started to believe I could play basket.
When we had moved to a new stage in another school, at one of those days where they whole school is doing different sport activities, I did choose to play basket. If the other girls in my class had been taller and bigger than me, the girls who played basket at this school were huge compared to me. They were older and much taller. My self confidence disappeared completely when everything was happening over my head. Since they didn't think I was useful to them they never passed me the ball! I hardly touched the ball during the game, and the few times I did, nothing good came out of it.
At that sport day I realized that basket was not my game. I knew I was completely useless without my friend who passed me and made it possible for me to make the goals.
Sometimes a specific talent has to be in the right environment in order to be beneficial, isn't that so? You just need to figure out what your talent is and in which environment it is most useful...
Since I made the goals, I started to believe I could play basket.
When we had moved to a new stage in another school, at one of those days where they whole school is doing different sport activities, I did choose to play basket. If the other girls in my class had been taller and bigger than me, the girls who played basket at this school were huge compared to me. They were older and much taller. My self confidence disappeared completely when everything was happening over my head. Since they didn't think I was useful to them they never passed me the ball! I hardly touched the ball during the game, and the few times I did, nothing good came out of it.
At that sport day I realized that basket was not my game. I knew I was completely useless without my friend who passed me and made it possible for me to make the goals.
Sometimes a specific talent has to be in the right environment in order to be beneficial, isn't that so? You just need to figure out what your talent is and in which environment it is most useful...
tisdag 4 januari 2011
Ex
I've started to admit to myself that I do miss my ex boyfriend. I'm not saying that he was the love of my life, or rater I do hope he wasn't, because then I wouldn't have anything to look forward to. But I miss him.
There were certain things about that guy that I appreciated, so now I'm looking at men I meet and trying to figure out if they are anything like him. The guy had feeling. That's not something you can learn. I just need to get a friendly hug by a man to know. If he treats me like a piece of wood..
None of my former boyfriends were mean. I can easily imagine what it would be to share my time with a mean person. Terrible.
I guess all single men do the same. They compare all women they meet with their exes. I'm sure I'm not behaving like any ex. Especially not when I stare at them trying to figure out how they are...
There were certain things about that guy that I appreciated, so now I'm looking at men I meet and trying to figure out if they are anything like him. The guy had feeling. That's not something you can learn. I just need to get a friendly hug by a man to know. If he treats me like a piece of wood..
None of my former boyfriends were mean. I can easily imagine what it would be to share my time with a mean person. Terrible.
I guess all single men do the same. They compare all women they meet with their exes. I'm sure I'm not behaving like any ex. Especially not when I stare at them trying to figure out how they are...
söndag 2 januari 2011
Need to stop being afraid
Love is an illusion. I'm sure it's a self illusion. An illusion that I'm important to someone, someone who I'm interested in, which gives the other person a similar illusion.
However we need such an illusion in the beginning of a relation and possibly during enough long time to leave a persistant memory or feeling. We also need to be willing to take risks because usually we don't know each other very well when this happens.
I believe I don't want to take risks in this area. When I meet a potential partner I look for reasons not to start any relation and it seems I always find such a reason. Since I hate to fail I'm typically looking for a man I can't get or at least not for a very long time. Some large obstacle is always there. To meet someone who is in the right age, the right location, the same style, someone who would be perfect "on paper" is stressful. Such a person could reveal that the fault is on me.
In the same way I believe I'm afraid I will get a new job and fail. I still remember when I got a job and I could feel how the colleague I was going to work with disliked me from day one. We did not know each other but still I did not get a chance. What if that happens again?
However we need such an illusion in the beginning of a relation and possibly during enough long time to leave a persistant memory or feeling. We also need to be willing to take risks because usually we don't know each other very well when this happens.
I believe I don't want to take risks in this area. When I meet a potential partner I look for reasons not to start any relation and it seems I always find such a reason. Since I hate to fail I'm typically looking for a man I can't get or at least not for a very long time. Some large obstacle is always there. To meet someone who is in the right age, the right location, the same style, someone who would be perfect "on paper" is stressful. Such a person could reveal that the fault is on me.
In the same way I believe I'm afraid I will get a new job and fail. I still remember when I got a job and I could feel how the colleague I was going to work with disliked me from day one. We did not know each other but still I did not get a chance. What if that happens again?
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