Laughing at yourself or at others

There was a popular Swedish comedy series called Solsidan, I think it was last year on Swedish television, about a couple of families living in a wealthy middle class environment outside Stockholm, and their struggles with all kinds of superfluous things, their goal to fit perfectly into the community and to look good (or rather "look best").

I believe many people could identify either themselves or someone they know, at least if you have been living in a residential district close to Stockholm . What surprises me is what kind of people who loves the series the most. It seems to be very popular among the most pretentious and superfluous people! I feel like saying "hey, we are laughing at you". "If you realize that you are pretentious and superfluous, why don't you do something about it?"

Maybe we were laughing at different things.

Anyway, I learned what every comedian already must know. It is when people identify themselves they laugh the most.

Mum's logic

As a mum I have given birth, I have fed, I have raised and I do love.

Right and wrong is completely different when it comes to mothers. If you hurt your mother you are wrong, even if the facts show something else.

Hurting a mum is per definition wrong.

No worries, but I miss the big group

I'm perfectly fine. Today things seems much brighter. Now I have to rewrite a blog again. It is so easy to be misunderstood.

If there are lots of people at your workplace that you know, who say "hi" in the morning, people who you chat with at the coffee machine, you're less likely to feel depressed.

If you work at a small workplace or alone and you happened to wake up feeling down, you're less likely to be cheered up. At least according to my experience.

If you meet very few people during the day and therefor have few interactions with other people, it puts much more responsibility on the people you meet.

It is obviously a basic need to be part of a group. If we look back on when people were living in a much more primitive environment, I'm sure that there were at least two situations that made people depressed and that still do affect us in the same way.

To be separated from people in your group, was probably very serious and it probably meant you would die unless you managed to find them again. Another serious scenario was probably if you were abandoned by the group, if you were frozen out, you were probably equally predestinated to die, unless you found and were accepted by another community.

So I don't care what people say. I'm sure it is natural to be down, when not having enough interactions with others. I'm very happy I have a teenager who is full of life living with me.

Completely pointfree

The question is "what is the point"? It feels pointless. Or pointfree, trying to make it all sound more positive.

Single minded

If I'm at a party or elsewhere where there is an opportunity to meet new people, I've noticed that when I talk to a man, if his wife is around she will immediately join us, so after a minute I'm talking her instead. I find that interesting. Do they dare to let their men go to work?

Some women on the other hand usually point out that they are single within 30 seconds, when they meet new people. I think that behavior is very embarrassing. Doesn't it put some kind of pressure on the person they meet, to immediately declare if they are interested or not, or at least if they are available?

I think it's equally embarrassing when a man start talking about his wife and family the first minute of a conversation.

What is it about people? Is sex all they think about?

Stuck in a crossing

Next time anyone asks me what I do, maybe I should answer nurse, hairdresser or I take care of children. Something female with a low salary. Most of them live nice lives since they have married someone who earns more. Why did I struggle myself?

I remember when I was sitting in my parents bedroom and wondering about my future. I was studying in their bedroom because there were no other quite place during daytime and evenings. This time at least I've got my own apartment. I'm still wondering what to do.

I'm tired of explaining to people what my plans were, or what jobs I thought I could get.

Maybe I should rethink my strategy, or do I already do it too often?

People ask me what I really want to do, and expect answers like "save the world". I'm sorry to make them disappointed. If they want to save the world, why don't they? Why should I be more likely to save the world than they are?

Anyway I'm quite fed up with being stuck in this crossing now.

Nice voice..

Today I found out that my bank provides valuable advice over the phone on things like how to get a pension. A helpful man with a very nice voice spent quite a lot of time figuring out his best advice for me.

When he asked "are you married, divorced or single?" I felt like answering "I'm single, how about you?" but of course I didn't. Later I got a mail with an invitation to contact him for further advice over the phone.

Over the phone..? Sales people!

One more

Hope you didn't miss this one ...
Linnea has been my favorite since then.

Differently

What do they say? More of the same won't help, it won't do the trick.

So, what can I do differently to get a job, to live my dream, to get ...somewhere?

Everything, I guess.

OK. I'll do everything differently from now on.

Can't help including some different interpretations from Swedish Idol....

A failure - something to talk about

Have you noticed the stories in some weekly magazines about people who are injured, seriously handicapped or unlucky in some other way? They fill people's need to feel superior, to feel happy and lucky, compared to the unlucky ones. It seems I fill that need for some people now.

Some people start chatting with me just to find out what the status is, what are my financial situation, did I have any earnings this year?

Others call my mother to find out, where I'm heading for an interview or if I've got a job yet.

I remember when we were unlucky to have a disease in the family. People stopped me in the street just to ask about it. Not that they wanted to help, they just wanted details to have something to gossip about at their next dinner party. After a while I realized that all the gossip just made the situation worse for the family. Now I know who they are, so I recognize those kind of people.

I wonder, I'm writing a blog, isn't that enough information? Do they have to call my mother?

I'll show all these idiots. I'll come back and be successful. And then I'll know who are my friends and who are not.

Ambitious girls

Last time I got an employment was when I met a female manager who recognized herself in me. She recognized the ambitious girl in me, the little smart girl she also used to be. We were the ones who always made our homework, and who got good results at exams. We took school seriously.

Why were we so ambitious? We didn't get any more love by being ambitious. Did we even get respect? I remember being accused of being overly ambitious, as I enjoyed also learning the stuff my bigger sister was learning.

The guys who didn't take school too seriously, and just played, maybe because they were a bit childish, some of them are really successful now. I believe they recognize and remember us from school. Also those who are performing interviews. I can't hide that I was an ambitious little girl. I just need to mention that I studied science. I bet they see an annoying smart girl in front of them, a girl who has grown old.

I'm very happy some small girls got some love and respect and continued to be ambitious all their lives. I hope they become successful, because they deserve it.

Spreading love in the morning?

I used to have this as my wakeup melody years ago.



After some time everybody hated it.

Somewhere..

No more complaints. Here is one of my old favorites performed in a different way.

Swedish dads staying home with their babies...

How Swedish dads are taking care of their small babies is shown to the world as a good example. Well, of course it's important for dads to have a close relation to their kids and everything concerning babies doesn't necessarily have to be the responsibility of mums. Of course dads should change diapers and give food and look after their kids. That's natural, at least in Sweden. That's part of being a parent.

But...
I believe the roles are slightly different and there is no need for two people to be exactly identical. If the dad take care of everything, what do they need the mum for then? Only to give the man a possibility to reproduce himself?

One can ask why so many Swedish couples are divorcing? Isn't there a risk that there aren't families any longer, just two parents working parallell and in turns?

The arguments used for dads to stay home and take care of their babies is that it makes them sexy. That's not necessarily true...

A few quotes for singles

"For all the shit we go through when it comes to dating, relationships and all that nonsense --
when it does work, it is so nice, so good and so wonderful, that it makes all the crap you have to go through to get there, worth it!"

said by a friend of mine


"Have enough courage

to trust love

one more time

and always

one more time."

by Maya Angelou

How long is a generation?

I always thought a generation was the difference in years between parents and children. And also a group of people being born in the same timeframe. What is a timeframe in this context? Is it the normal age difference between children and parents, or is everyone born in the same decade or what? Am I in the same generation as everybody having children in the same age as I have?

When someone older is refering to "your generation", it is a way of pointing out that I'm younger. On the other hand if someone younger is doing the same, it is a way of pointing out that I'm significantly older.

It makes me feel old. Me and my generation.

Frustration

Today I'm more determined and angry than usual.

At the large company most initiatives were rejected, argumentation were considered awkward and escalation, to bring things higher up in the organization were always punished. Now I'm not in the large company any longer, so I don't give a shit.

I've realized that being eager, determined and to argue seems to be appreciated in the outside world especially by entrepreneurs. I will do more of that. Now I'm testing how escalation is viewed upon. What do I have to loose?

I'm not yet standing up and screaming yet, but soon...

On course

What did I say, of course I'm learning new things... I'm taking a course right now.

Too impatient to learn?

Someone explained I'm learning all the time" to me today. I like that attitude. I had a similar attitude when I was young. I collected experiences, as if I was filling up a backpack with "good to have" experiences. For the future

I'm still learning and collecting experiences, but I am not as patient any longer. Maybe because the future isn't endless any longer.

It's like money. I collected money when I was young. At at certain point I thought "why should I save now, when I'm in the middle of living?". Later I realized I had to start saving again.

It's not as fun to save and to learn then when the time is passing and the future is shrinking, is it?
I have to stop being impatient.

A questionable activity - to blog

I must stop with stupid habit of blogging. I don't have any readers, ie to read this blog doesn't give readers anything, apart from some of my thoughts. Some time in the future I might regret sharing too much of my private life. It also takes valuable time.

But I like writing... and to get things off my mind.

Late revenge

I've just learnt a nasty way for surviving relatives to revenge themselves. The tradition when someone dies is to put an obituary notice into the paper with a cross and name, date, family etc.

What people do nowadays when they don't consider themselves to be christian is to use some other symbol in the ad, something they believe was important to the dead person, for instance a sunset or a sailing boat.

The latest thing I saw was an ad where the survivors use a symbol that shows what they think about the dead person, as some sort of late revenge. Isn't that the lowest of revenges....?

Swedish Idol so far

Don't know who is reading this blog. Anyway, for friends living abroad, here are a few of the participants in Swedish Idol 2010. Isn't it amazing how this little country has got so many talents? Here is just a few of them.















My obvious comments: Linnea dares to be different, Andreas has the best voice, Jay is the rockiest one, Olle is the troubadour and my guess is that Minnah is popular among the guys.

"we want people with flow"

"We want employees with luck" said the manager and threw away a large pile of applications. That's a classical story.

The other day I heard a new one in real life "we want people with flow, not people who are struggeling".

Oh... I see. Guess they don't want a single mother without a job then....

If you have flow you are having luck, living with ease.

What should I do? Should I pretend to have flow? Redefine flow as freedom and a lot of opportunities?

Maybe I shouldn't work for a company who is looking for people with flow?

Free advice is no advice, at least not for me

I'm never going to see another advisor. They keep calling and offering their services for free. Haven't I heard "there are no free lunches"?

They promise to give valuable advice on pension, insurance and how to improve the financial situation in general, by advising on funds etc. I bring all kinds of information as printouts. What do I get? Just mumbo jumbo.

They just want me to sign paper and become their customer. Then they offer themselves to search in databases to come up with the same information I already have on my papers and then call for another meeting when they're going to give me some really good advice. Why should I sign a paper and let someone become my advisor if I don't get any advice at my first visit?

Guess I'm not a valuable customer. I also remember the comment: You won't find a perfect insurance, just as you won't find a perfect husband or a perfect car. Is that something to say to a potential customer who you know is a single mother with an old car? Yes, if you want her to get out of your office quickly....

Interviewing a dog

What they want to know in job interviews is not who I am but how I am.
Some interviewers play games to see how I react. Even if I know it's a game, I'm no actress and therefor I'm myself.
Probably dogs know it's a game, but they don't hesitate but run after things that's being thrown.
How smart are dogs?
I still hope they want me, even if I'm like a dog.

Not zero

As long as the possibility isn't zero there is a chance. Or a risk.
That's what life is all about isn't it? Sometimes things happen.
Some day...

Arbitrary new

Taking a walk on arbitrary streets, and found some new streets to walk. Listening to arbitrary music on youtube, and happened to like some I found. Reading arbitrary pages in a new book written by a writer I don't know, and it's interesting.
Should I call up an arbitrary person on my phonebook and talk about arbitrary things? Or just go on with the laundry...?

Tradition to evaluate Idol

Mr Mini Weisse is a great singer, he looks good, but why does his eyes look so empty? What has happened to him in his life? If he just could get rid of that attitude he would be great. He is young but he reminds me of singers as they were when I was a kid.

Geir. What is he doing there? He is just trying to improve his existing career! I don't understand why people vote for a Norwegian professional B-singer, just because he is unknown in Sweden? He only picks safe bets that he knows that our generation likes. I'm sure he is nice and like a parent to the others, but I don't care. I puke! And I didn't want to see him with his young wife in the bath, please!!!

Minnah. She is a bit Svensson-like, but I guess she can't help it. She performs OK. The Beatles song she did was great. She started as a blond, why did they have to dye her hair reddish? Blond was more her style.

Jay. He is some kind of working class hero with a great rock voice. Personally I doubt the life of a musician will fit him.

Linnea. She is so cool! She was cool from start. I like her style and I always like her choice of music. Don't like the way they made her hair look and some of her clothes, but today she looked fine. Nina Simone in Idol....

Elin. She is a little star with potential. She isn't there yet, because she doesn't always feel 100% present. But I don't know what she did with the song "Forever young" tonight, but it made me all shudder (I usually write shiver, but it should be shudder, when the hair raises due to music, shouldn't it?). She was the only one who made that happen.

Olle. It is hard not to like him. He seems to be such a humble and genuine person. Guess the record companies will love him since you can hear that he is the one who is singing. I've understood that's important, otherwise people don't know which CD to buy (do people buy CDs btw?)

Get rid of Geir.

When and why did Sweden change perspective?

First I find a good reason to state my opinion, then I find a very good reason not to do it. This might not be the right forum.

Expectations

Maybe I should remove the blog about the coldness in Stockholm.
It all depends on how you look upon the world.
A young member of the family tells me to stop expecting things from other people! Expect nothing...and be surprised.
I'll start expecting things from myself instead. A lot.

Yes Stockholm is cold

Standing outside my home by my car with the hood open. A man living across the street starts his car and passes me. A woman does the same thing. Where would that happen except in Stockholm? It takes 5 minutes to help someone with an empty battery to get started. To just ask what the problem is takes no time.

I don't have a job. People trying to help me are with few exceptions not born in Sweden. I come from Stockholm. I know hundreds of people, not close friends but acquaintances. One old friend I've known for almost 30 years has given me some invaluable help. Otherwise, it is clear to me that when I ask friends with a non Swedish background for help they do all they can to assist, while most Swedes expect me to get all the help I need from the society.

Once at work I got sick and needed medical care. I called an ambulance since none of my colleagues offered themselves to drive me to the hospital and I didn't have time to find some friend. Afterwards they felt very stupid and showed that they cared, but when I explained the situation nobody offered to help.

Many years ago when I was traveling on public transportation with a pram I usually managed myself but sometime I needed a hand from someone. I noted that men from other countries were most eager to help, next came Swedish women. Swedish men were the least helpful. Being pregnant you sometimes need to sit down on the bus. It didn't happen often, but when it did, I only remember a woman who realized the situation. I could have fainted before anyone noticed.

I don't think it is a general Swedish phenomenon not to help each other. Once when I had a car accident in northern Sweden completely strangers helped me out. They did much more than anyone could have expected.

I've also seen that people coming from southern part of Stockholm are more eager to assist than in the rest of Stockholm. So if you're planning to get into trouble on the street, make sure you have neighbors from other countries and live in southern part of Stockholm!

I do hope I'm not like the rest....

Racism from my point of view

In order to understand the feeling of being target for racism I have to use my own limited experiences.

Ages ago I was studying abroad. The Swedes in the town were supposed to have a Midsummer party but since it was raining someone came up with the idea of having a party in a kitchen instead. It happened to be in my kitchin in my student corridor, where a few other Swedes also were living. Of course I was participating in the party.

When I woke up the next day, someone had written "OUT SWEDES" on the kitchen wall. Even though my non-Swedish friends in the corridor were trying to remove the message, and they didn't think I should take it personal, it felt terrible. An anonomous person who obviously had been disturbed didn't bother to find out who was responsible and speak his mind, but seemed to hate everyone of my nationality.

Nobody was burning down the house...



Many years later I was on a business trip on another continent and had some time to stroll around in a forreign city. During those hours in that crowded busy city I only came across two other persons who looked European. I didn't think much about looks until I saw them. I realized how awful if would have been if the citizens had hated people with a European look. Since I was standing out from the crowd it would have been very easy to harass me. That wasn't the case, but it made me think about racism and how terrible unfair it is, since you can't help the way you look and where your ancestors come from.

Have you thought about racism from that point of view?

Money focus make me wonder

Some people like to make beautiful things, some like to solve problems and others prefers helping people. Some people want to be important and others like to make money.

I'm starting to believe that money is the driver for successful entrepreneurs. Many people prefer that someone else is making customers open their wallets.

Today I asked myself, when listining to someone describing the joy of being successful and making money, what if the money would mean taking a standpoint in an ethical question, would they still only focus on the money? How far would they go?
How far would you go?