Dating doesn't make me happy

Dating doesn't make me happy. I mean having a homepage on a dejtingsite. Every time a man tells me I don't fulfill his requirements I get sad. Most of the time I don't get to know. I've only got a picture of my face on my page, instead of showing what my body looks like. It makes people believe I'm incredible fat.
Someone commented that my face looked a bit round, so he made the assumption I was very fat. I'm proud over my face and my cheeks that makes me look young. Didn't think they implied that I'm fat, but on the other hand, I need to loose a few pounds.

It seems many men are looking for their mother. They want someone who can cook for them. Someone wearing high heels, having a nice perfume and plenty of make up. Sometimes I wear high heels but it that's not a reason to love me. I've also spent a lot of time in the kitchen, cooking for my kids but it doesn't mean I want to spend the rest of my life there, cooking for a grown up man who hasn't bothered to learn how to take care of himself. I could very well end up cooking, but it should be my own choice, not a requirement. It feels like I would be on a leash. I want to feel free, not be locked into a kitchen.

Other guys seem to love anything with a female name. They don't attract me. I'm looking for someone who likes me. Someone who would bother to get to know me. Not someone who believes me loves me before he knows me, and not someone who thinks I don't fulfill his requirements before we have even met.

Dating doesn't make me happy. It makes me wonder about the man in the world. Who is he? Does he want a mother to cook for him, a hore in bed and a good looking model by his side to make him feel cared about, sexy and young? Forget that. I'm just a human being. A single woman, who will stay single.

Bright and easy? Fool!

For a while I got the impression that life was bright and easy. Well, I just wasn't aware of the problems.
I'm sure everybody who hears about it, has got a solution. How many people did I tell? How many people did they tell. So how many people know about the issue. Must be plenty of solutions by now. Never mind people.

Who said life should be bright and easy?

What can be said, and what shouldn't be said?

I was reading an article talking about extremism in our society. The writer was quoting something a massmurder had written. In my opinion, you shouldn't spread such things and media should stop showing pictures of the massmurder and to refer to what he has said or done. It is not a rule, just my opinion.

She was also upset about some documentary (that I didn't watch) where someone had said that immigrants who are analphabets are harder to integrate in the society than other groups. Why be upset? Most of us did go to school for twelve or fourteen years. Still we might have problems to find a job. Obviously, people who don't have any education at all must have an even trickier situation. Isn't that a fact? Or is it a rule that certain facts aren't allowed to be told? I'm afraid that such rules probably grow extremism.

I did not like that Skavlan show where an American writer participated who wasn't polite enough to participate in a normal discussion, where you also listen to other people instead of just talking yourself. Anyway, he was talking about the differences between men and woman, why women should let men sit down on the coach and watch the news when they are tired after work instead of requesting help to fix the dinner. He was talking about the differences between female and male brains. (I hate when people refer to science without mentioning some proofs for their statements.) Well, according to his generalizations, I must be a man. Because I do want to solve problems and I also like to sit down and watch the news when I'm tired after work. Maybe that was one of his goals, to define intelligent women to be like men and sensitive men to be like women?

Don't worry stay cool

"All those things that you are afraid of will eventually happen. Most things turn out to be less scary than you imagined, and the rest you didn't know anything about. So don't worry, just stay cool."

Too late to travel

I had a plan. To travel. My plan was to show my children the world. It didn't happen.
If you ask them they think we have been traveling, because we did some traveling in Europe. I always thought we would do the rest of the world some other time. Oh, but yes I forget, we were in Asia once.

Why didn't I travel? What did I wait for? I think I waited for a parter to show up, because I didn't want to take them to unknown places that could be unsafe. Well, guess I'm a coward.

And I hate charter. Isn't group journeys an insult to a grown up intelligent person? To be treated like sheep. To be brought somewhere, put somewhere, told something and even entertained. All you can do is to enjoy it or to complain. No room for own decision except when you want to go to sleep, what on the menu you want to eat and when to take a bath.

I did teach my children something. I did teach them that traveling is an adventure and you have all the freedom in the world to decide where to stay, where to eat, where to go, what to do, and what to see. One of my children went on a journey with a friends family. When he came back he was surprised that they didn't explore anything, not even the backside of the hotel. He said that I had taught them to at least explore the neighborhood and that he appreciated that. Or maybe he just wanted to make me happy.

However. Now it's too late. If I ask if they want to travel somewhere they say "with you?".

I'm afraid I'll wake up one day and find out that I didn't live, because I was waiting to find a man. And then it will be too late. Doesn't seem like a good plan, does it?

A tired single mother in a boring kitchen

A tired woman in a boring kitchen who is being interviewed about her problematic teenagers. That's my picture of a single mother.

I never wanted to become a single mother in a boring kitchen. It wasn't my plan. But now I'm there. My face looks tired in the mirror. Any problem of my children is my fault. I am not kidding. If they do well they have good genes.

Everything I do is wrong. But I actually do remember what it was like to be a teenager. It was pretty awful. What can I do to help? Do I do the right things?

No, I don't. Because I'm living my own life, with my own issues.

Now I can replace the picture of the single mother in the boring kitchen with a picture of myself, a tired mother who has gotten used to take own decisions and to get all the blame.

Hanging in the air

Sometimes I prefer writing to talking. Especially when the person I'd like to communicate with isn't around. But if you meet someone face to face and ask a question, you usually get some sort of answer.
There is nothing I hate more than writing to someone in an important matter and not getting any answer.

It is hard to read people's minds. Especially at a distance. It is very difficult to guess what someone was thinking when they have read my mail and decided not to answer. Didn't they know the answer, didn't they think it was a relevant question, didn't I express myself clear enough, did they think the question was stupid or do they think I'm insane? Or did they just not prioritize to answer? When it comes to everyday issues I might forget what I was writing about. But sometimes it feels like my question is hanging in the air, unanswered.

I do hate when managers don't bother to answer questions that are important to me. Guess I have too high expectations.