What would your focus be? What is your focus?

What would you do if you knew that you had only one more year to live?

Would you start enjoying yourself like crazy, would you write your biography, would you collect as much money as possible, watch more TV or would you think about your kids and your family what you can do for them?

Well, that's today's questions... Please tell me, what will you do tomorrow? What should I make sure to do tomorrow..

A personal filter

I think it's amazing that every person that I meet seems to have something to give me in my current situation. Friends, professionals but also completely strangers that I happen to talk to.
Maybe I have a perception filter on that only extract info that helps me with my current headache "how to find and get the job that will feed me and my kids and make me happy during daytime for the next coming years".

Who wants to hear the truth?

Lately I've been too outspoken and told some people exactly what I think. Just as I used to do, when I was young. It feels good at the very moment, but maybe not after some time. Sometime I feel like things are just logical, and why don't people see things my way, without me having to tell them?

I have changed coach. They called me to a meeting to discuss it, but I tried to avoid it. I had already made up my mind and didn't want to explain. Sitting in useless meetings is terrible. It was quite useless until I questioned why I was there. My new coach thinks I'm funny.

When I was a kid I thought "the truth" was something one should try to find...
How innocent I was.

Taxi driver, just for a Saturday evening

If I don't find any other job, I could always become a taxi driver, since I like to drive.
Tonight I've been driving a couple of youngsters around in the city. No problem, I'm pretty cool in the jungle of taxi drivers and other aggressively driving people. (Like most foreigners - when it comes to driving I must admit I'm pretty much a racist.)

I almost forgot to drop one of the passengers off in my normal absent-mindedness. Then I remembered that I get asthma from the AC and few Swedish passengers like it windy in the backseat. And once when I was going on a car vacation with my kids, I ended up with back problems. Suddenly it didn't seem like an alternative any longer.

I'd better figure out how to take advantage of some more unusual skills and insights.

The competing crowd

It is the way I thought it would be. There are hundreds (or more) of competitors with similar competence on every job that I apply for. I am not brighter, more experienced or more hardworking than any of those guys.

I know I'm different than most of them. Maybe I have a different personality type. Maybe I behave differently. Maybe I take a different view on things.
If anyone appreciate those differences? Don't think so.

Not wrong, just different

One of my friends tell me I'm completely wrong about the money and happiness. She tells me I'm fooled. Maybe she is right. Maybe we end up meditating over some books, trying to get the right happy thoughts in our heads, while others grab the money and go ahead and implement the environment for their dreams to come true.

Maybe my friend is more successful than me when it comes to status and owning things, but she lives with a man who takes her down, while I live with the dream of a happy relationship. We don't envy each other. We've got different goals, that's all.

OK...

I better admit I've nothing against money. A family with lots of kids in the neighbourhood won a large amount of money on lottery. They bought a bigger hourse, cool cars and travelled as far as I know. I wouldn't mind doing that too..

Why be jealous of richness and money?

Today I listened to a guy who is spending his life helping people. For the moment he is prioritizing his family and his two small sons, since his wife is studying. He happened to mention that he couldn't help being a bit jealous of one of his old friends who had chosen a career within business and now possessed several houses, a lot of money together with his wife and children (that he hardly ever had time to meet). I told him he shouldn't be jealous, that I had a feeling that he probably would end up happier than his friend would be.

To make other people jealous might be an important goal for him, since it makes him feel more successful and proud of himself. But there is a risk that his friend will wake up one day and ask himself why he has been prioritizing to get all that money and have all those houses, when they don't bring him any happiness.

Of course there was someone listening who objected and pointed out that it was just my opinion. Yes, it is my opinion and my experience.

I'm so surprised that people haven't realized that money gives security, but sometimes a false security. Money gives freedom, but sometimes an imaginary freedom. Money is nice to have, but too much money surely doesn't bring any happiness, so walking around and dreaming about lots and lots of money is just a wast of dreaming. At least for us, not being poor.

For the moment I'm quite to happy to have enough money to live a good life, but I would still rather live in a cabin with someone I love instead of in a castle with someone I hate, if I had to choose. But of course, that's just me.

"I know the subject much too well..."

Yesterday I felt a moment of euphoria when I read the following sentences:

Salvador Dali was expelled from the academy of art ..."I am very sorry, but I am infinitely more intelligent than these professors, and I therefor refuse to be examined by them. I know this subject much too well." (originally from "The secret life of Salvador Dali")

Haha, I know the feeling!

I am NOT saying that I'm more intelligent than anyone else (no no no), but I felt I was fired by people who knew the subject less well... I had the feeling "who are you to fire me, why don't you listen to me instead?"

But I guess there is some reason to bring in new management, that can look with fresh eyes on things, without any previous knowledge or experience. Knowledge can be a burden, isn't it so?

To pick the right song

My sister who is a teacher occasionally sings at weddings and funerals.
Very sadly one of her older colleagues at school recently died.
My sister volunteered to sing at the memorial time arranged by the school, so she went home to practice the song she wished to sing. It was not going to be a religious song because the man had not been religious. When my sister had been practicing the song for two days, she spent just a minute digging into her large pile of sheets of music collected during many years. She happened to find "Bridge over troubled water" and felt very strongly that this was the right song to sing. She had never sung it before.

After she had sung at the school, the widow approached her and explained that "Bridge over troubled water" had been her husbands favorite song. My sister who had shared the same study room as the man for some time, had no idea...

She tells me that sometimes when making a choice it's better not to think too much.

Flexible bullshit

Flexible minds, what bullshit to write on a blog. I should have written that I like people who are kind and a little bit brave too. Good night!

We are different

I've made a personalization test. I made it together with a group of people that I've learned to know a little bit (used to call them losers, well they weren't..). Wow. It was suddenly so clear why I appreciate certain people more than others.

I adore people with flexible minds. People who don't use their brains only to sort things and keep details in order according to a completely repeatable routine, like some simple computer.

I hate routines and like improvisation. I remember the first time I went to London together with my kids. I was proud that I had found a great musical and bought tickets on the web in advance. When I gave them a guidebook at the hotel and asked them what they wanted to do, they explained that when they had been there with their dad, he had had a specific plan for each day. Well, we're all different.

A good woman manages things herself...?

My motto is: A good woman manages things herself. But what any woman needs is encouragement...

Now I'm thinking back. I was a single mother, during years having own responsibility for two kids, with worry for the kids dad in the back of my head and working full time. After some years such a situation gets tiring.

In that situation, what did people tell me?
Either they shared with me that they thought I had a hopeless situation (hopeless? I didn't find it hopeless...). Or they were complaining. I received complaints about my home not being tidy enough (typically when they arrived unexpectedly), my kids were too slim (did they really get proper food..?) or that I was working too much (did I spend enough time with the kids..?).

From my point of view, I didn't get much encouragement, almost never any real rest and sometime not even help when I asked for it. Once when I was having certain relatives over (probably for lunch) I asked if I could get some help to move three some large cupboards (2.4m high) across a room. I remember the answer "no, I don't think you should move those", "they fit much better where they are". Guess who moved the damn cupboards myself across the room, when they had left? (Anything in a home apart from a grand piano is possible to move for one person using a carpet and some imagination.)

Maybe I am very unfair now when I complain. Sometimes I got help, during the kids vacations they were welcome to visit relatives, which was like heaven for me. Unfortunately when the kids got older they refused to go. Some relative living in the neighborhood was never ever babysitting! Sometimes I got "help" that I didn't wanted or needed. Like getting my flowers repot, when I would rather have gone out dancing.

Now I am keeping my home much more tidy, and I am cooking proper food and I have time for my teenagers (they are no small kids any longer). Now I am fulfilling the implied requirements put on mothers. Well, it feels pretty good. No complaints, except from a certain person who probably never will stop complaining about my taste, my furniture, my ways etc. (I assume complaining on a close relative just shows that you're not happy with yourself.)

The only problem is that I don't earn any money nowadays, so this MUST be a temporary situation. Besides I will find this very boring over time.

If you happen to know any single mother, please tell her "you're doing a great job" whatever she does. Because, that's what she needs to hear! That will give her energy to become an even better mother. No complaints, whatsoever! Please, remember that...

Brands say something ...

When I was a child the German brands were quite common, especially in older equipment. I remember brands such as Grundig (radio and TV) and Bosch for household equipment and we had a Volkswagen car. My parents' generation studied Germany at school, together with English. I believe they preferred to watch Swedish movies and English detective stories.

Today I drive an old Volvo and have some Electrolux equipment that needs to be replace and used to have SonyEricsson phone. I find all kinds of labels like hp, Dell, Philips but also JVC, Acer, Sony etc on our black boxes (maybe it doesn't matter what label there is, since most things are made in low cost countries). The kids watch American high school series, South Park and Simpsons. They think reading Swedish books is a bit of yesterday, but rather buy some English or American ones.

What will the labels of tomorrow be, and who will own them? Will they be Chinese or Russian? Will Swedish companies still be strong in new fields? Will the research at Universities be ambitious when the large companies are sold and moved? Will people start small companies when all private economical protective systems including pension disappear when you start your own company, unless you are able to give yourself a good salary..?

Increased revenue streams for dentists...

Have you even thought about how dentists can increase their revenues?

Either they increase the prices, of course, or they start to charge for all kinds of things. I've discovered that I should avoid talking to my handsome male dentist if I don't want to pay extra for "prophylaxis"... The problem is that he seems to like talking too...

Another option is to hire someone who doesn't require much salary, who can make appointments with people and talk to them without fixing their teeth. I think they are called hygienists. I avoid those since I have no problems with my tooth brush, besides they are not dentists and usually women and therefor not as interesting to talk to.

A third alternative is to reduce the time between the appointments. How often do you see your dentist? Twice a year, once a year, less or more than a year.. It seems to vary a lot.
I told my dentist I was unemployed and suddenly I didn't have to come within 18 months, so I assume that's the normal interval for check-ups when they don't focus on increasing the revenue streams....

Is the future of Swedish industry a Black Swan?

Today I had the opportunity to talk to a guy who had been sacked after more than 30 years in a Swedish high tech company. He was an IT expert, with a very long impressive CV. As far as I understand there are not many people with his knowledge and experience in the world.

I don't know why he lost his job. Someone must have thought that it wasn't a good business case to keep him. Maybe he was considered too old (in Sweden you should not be much older and know more than your manager) and too well payed. I don't know.

During the lunch he gave me some details on GI diets and explained why the human body does put on weight when we eat carbohydrates. He also shared some other theories in other areas. My impression was that this wasn't a guy that had stopped learning or stopped using his brain, and besides he was a pleasant person.

Interesting to note is that his former employers' most aggressive competitor is planning to hire him. It seems they see a business case in paying for using his experience and skills. Their strategy is to use his and others experienced brains to figure out the best way of doing things and then let more inexperienced and cheaper labor implement it.

If my grand children ask me in the future what happened to the Swedish industry, the industry that used to be very successful and important to this country, I think I have a good story to tell them. But no good explanation why nobody could foresee what was going to happen to it. Maybe I should tell them that important people with insight later on explained it as a Black Swan, that they couldn't foresee because they had not seen it happen before ...

Is it possible to predict what's coming?

I'm reading the Black Swan. Can't give a resume' because I'm just in a first chapters. The idea is that big changes have never been seen or guessed in advance. With traditionally science we can only learn about what has already happen. True.

This morning I read in Ny Teknik that there is a new book written by people from Ericsson that shows why Ericsson managed to come back every time when there had been a large unpredictable change. The reason was that the engineers has done some "skunk work", that management didn't know about. One of the reason for the success according to Ny teknik is that Ericsson has always had the culture where different opinions could be present at the same time.

Considering the two different views above...
I believe that things can be predicted on the market. If there is a big need, and there is technology that can solve the need, the change comes. My theory is that one reason for engineers to know what's about to come earlier than management, could be not only that they know the new technology (because all good engineers always keep them selves updated on such things), they might also be clear on the limitation on the current one ... besides, the vendors have been driven by engineers having the same background and sharing the same ideas.

How do the vendors look today? Have they sacked their old staff?

Job hunting on a Monday morning

My plan for today was to aggressively apply for a job. I was thinking about of some extraordinary actions, like calling someone up just before office hours or visit the office uninvited. Last night it seemed like the only thing to do, but in the morning it felt rather unprofessional.

I woke up and blew my nose so strongly so my ear became totally blocked. Not that I've got a cold, rather this mysterious allergic thing. Now it was even more difficult to make this important call to a potential employer. Imagining saying "Sorry, could you please repeat..." over and over again, not the perfect scenario when trying to make a good impression.

Then my eye was caught by one of my first personal letters I had written. OMG, I fully understand why they didn't bother to call me for an interview! At that time I didn't even realize that a personal letter and a cv are two different items....

Today I didn't have any self confidence whatsoever. I remembered when I almost got a new job once, in the Big Company, but it was suddenly stopped by some mysterious upper management decision. Didn't that happen several times, actually? It had probably nothing to do with my cv or the first impression ...

OK, now. How to improve my self confidence?
The positive affirmations I came up with sounded like terrible lies!
I read a very nice mail from a former colleague. But did he really know me well? Maybe he is the type of person that appreciates everybody?

Well, in the end, I managed to copy and paste and put together both a personal mail and a cv based on earlier versions and posted it. Great!

Do I need to call up as well? Just now? Are Mondays really good days to receive calls..?

How do we react?

Got a compliment the other day. My son told me that if there was going to be a catastrophy he would be safer together with me, since I always take things seriously...

Normally he complains over his "overprotective" mother, but there was a film on TV that gave him the idea that my way of reacting would be benefitial in an exteme situation. I hope I never have to find out.....

Me ten years ago

Today I've been visiting my professional coach. Don't know why, but every time I see her I feel absolutely worthless. Today I realized that I've got an age problem. I believe my age is a problem, but my coach believe it is not. I think she is wrong.

I don't understand why anyone would hire a middle-age person as long as there are younger people available. My coach tries to explain that a lot of company wants more experienced personal. I guess she means that I'm "experienced".

Let's compare myself with my younger me. Ten years ago I was learning new things all the time, but today people get surprised if I want to learn something new.

About ten years ago I had my middle-age crisis. I decided I didn't want to sit and watch TV in front of an open fire in the countryside during the summer, like a retired person. I wanted more out of life, more excitement. Today I'm happy if I may light a fire at all.

Ten years ago I had a temporarily dip in my physical fitness. Today I'm happy if I may take a long walk.

Ten years ago my kids looked up to me and asked me for help. Today my kids think I'm a failure in all aspects and hope they will do better themselves.

Ten years ago I thought I had half my life still to live. Today I think maybe I'll die soon, so I better live today.

Ten years ago I had dreams, today I know it's ridiculous to dream.

If there was a ten years younger version of me, I would certainly go for that one.

Do you have a goal or do you just enjoy yourself?

What's your goal in life?

I'm trying to understand what mine is, because I think I've got one.
Sometimes I envy people who knows exactly what they want, and just go for it.

What drives me seems to be to overcome my limitations. When being kids, that kind of attitude is natural. We keep trying until we can do something. We want to move, walk, climb and then climb trees and so on, depending on what we see others doing, or how curious or determined we are.

At some point, as grown ups, we realize that cannot do something, and give up, and try something else, or keep doing what we already know. At which point we give up seems to be quite personal.

Some people especially middle-aged men claim they only focus on delight. It seems mature to me, but still a bit strange. How did they come to that conclusion, and what have they been given up on the way?

Imagine that you are in a sports arena. A bunch of people are practicing something, some others are competing. A crowd is just watching, dreaming that they are in the game. Some others they lay down, smells the grass and the sweat from peoples sneakers, and say: I just love to be here!

Which ones of those are you? I think I am that idiot still practicing, competing and maybe wondering what the smell is outside of the arena. When I smell the grass it's because I'm biting it..

No more Svenska Dagbladet!

Now I've changed newspaper to Dagens Nyheter instead. I don't want to be angry every morning!

Stop harassing Annika Falkengren!

Annika Falkengren has got a top position in the Swedish economy as a head of a bank on her own merits (as far as I understand). The problem is that she is a blond and beautiful woman. Another problem is that her board pays her too much salary compared to colleagues in other banks, so the newspaper Svd is harassing her. We all know what that means, she will soon lose her job. That's a shame! Maybe that's the only way for some guys in the bank to get rid of her... you never know.

Annika Falkengren serves as a unique example for all the young women in Sweden! She is not old, fat and ugly as the other top females in the Swedish economy (at Telia, LO etc), no, she looks and behaves in a way that makes it possible for young women to identify themselves with her. Maybe she gets female customers to her bank, too? None of her colleagues in the other banks could do that...Sweden is a country full of beautiful blond women, everybody knows that. But heading up companies and banks are only to be done by men in suits having the right connections or women who have inherited their position and power.

Let me also mention another female who uniquely is heading up a political party in government position. Maud Olofsson. She now declares that the government is going to stop requesting more women into the boards of the Swedish industry. Maud, you are nuts? Don't you think you yourself got many votes from women? Well, if you support the "male only" road, women don't need you in the government!

My own experience of females in leading positions is mixed. I have had female managers that were supportive towards everybody but maybe thinking a little bit extra about the possibilities for other women. But recently I have also seen female managers who rather favor men, and even ending up sacking other women (in a male dominated industry!). There is a book called "There is a special place in hell for women who don't support each other". The title speaks for itself.